Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize