i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He shit in the fireplace
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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