Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
