I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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