why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My balls are so social today.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
