i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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