I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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