I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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