Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
