I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
