I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize