never play flip cup with pint glasses
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
