the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
