I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
