okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
