is your mom at the bar?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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