You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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