I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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