Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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