I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
