I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
