even my farts smell like vagina
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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