Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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