I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
