Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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