just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
