Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
