I checked into jail on foursquare
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
