Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
