Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
