It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
