Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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