Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
