I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize