google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
