Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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