I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
