my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
