just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
