we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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