dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
