respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
