i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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