Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
