we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
