Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
