Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
