I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize