Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
