So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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