do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize