some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
