under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
