Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone signed my nipple.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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