So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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