You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
