I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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