Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
