Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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