i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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