I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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