Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize