So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
