turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
sex in a hospital.. check
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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