New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize