You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
