my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
