Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
