We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize