I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
