just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
