she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
