I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
