I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
