I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
