the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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