Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
