she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nobody cheats on THIS.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
