we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
