Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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