he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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