I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
