haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
