You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
