When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize