we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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