If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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