I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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