1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You smell like a Billy Joel song
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So apparently I’m into choking now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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