i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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