OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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