I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
