true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
