i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We had sex on a dog bed..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
