Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
