I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize