I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
