Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize