he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
