Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize