So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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