a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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