he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
