Your face is a jimmy john
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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