I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
