I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
